Among my little-known talents is my knack for certain discretions in public places. One particular evening found me visiting friends in the city, out at a school fundraiser concert. Too much cheap draft beer in too little time, and soon enough I was a wee bit wobbly.

As an aside, this was back in 2000, and the band playing was Nickelback. This was before their surprising commercial success, and I hate to admit that I remember thinking they were really good. Also, I could hardly stand.

After the party, our group of eight went to Boston Pizza for last call. We ordered lots of beer and pizza bread, and though I was already over my limit, I drank more. Then it all hit me. Right there at the table.

I casually pulled a pizza bread basket towards me, moved its contents to another basket, and quietly relieved my nausea into it.

Completely unnoticed, I sat there for a moment afterwards, not sure what to do next. I might’ve even sat there forever had it not been for a friend helping himself to my full pizza bread basket. Instead, seven guys leapt to their feet, paid their bills, and got the hell out of there. I hope I tipped enough.